Making somewhat of a progress, but...

Hi,

thought a lot about how to improve and it seems i am a bit stuck. In videos all seems so easy. I discovered also the Gothamchess Slowrun and during watching it feels all like making sense to me, but back at puzzles or playing Oscar on Duolingo it seems like i don ́t get it which makes me nervous. Even worse in puzzling i am kind of tilted when i expect to know the solution and then it is wrong. Some days ago i didn ́t manage to play a good opening against the computer and it completely ruined my evening.
I mean maybe i am just unpatient and improvement will come with more practice and rather slowly. Normally i am kind of a good learner with different topics, but with chess it kinda seems i am not getting anywhere, even with spending already quite some time learning. I am afraid to learn too uneffectively.
When i do puzzles here on Lichess i normally go to the most difficult settings, cause mistakes don ́t cost that much rating. Is this already the wrong attitude? Now and then when i am quite high in rating i switch to lower difficulty to like "give it a shot" and try to establish myself on the lower rating, but every time i fail big time after a few puzzles and have to go back to harder ones to "chase the loss". I didn ́t even play people online and already see myself in mindset problems. I guess i shouldn ́t care too much about damn puzzle ratings, focus on quality decisions and try to understand why a puzzle is wrong or why the actual solution is right, instead of getting angry about it. I would actually love to grind the puzzles until my finger bleed, but it somehow doesn ́t seem to do much. For example in endgames there are a lot of decisions where to advance pawns to create passers, but it is like i move the wrong one most of the times, which really gets to my nerves, i don ́t understand it. Or when there is a check against me and the decision where to escape to with the king, i mean sometimes it is obvious, but sometimes i completely don ́t understand why my decision is wrong, which probably means my understanding of the game is just not that far. That is probably a downside chewing on harder puzzles.
So i thought about how to involve this blog into my learning. I don ́t want to announce too much, and it will all probably be quite wild and freestyle in the start. Like posting analysis and writing my whole noobish thought process into here. Or casting my screen while playing and talking into the video, loading it up in the end, hoping someone will give valuable opinions. I mean watching myself playing and hearing the thought process could trigger some improvement, even without comments.
Another thing i wanted to go for is our local chess club, still didn ́t contact them or simply went to the training, checking out the place. Would be actually not so smart to miss out on that.
All in all i am far away from being desperate, it is still fun to puzzle and all. Just expected somehow faster progress. I know my puzzle rating doesn ́t show my real ELO at all and i am problably still under 1k, which is not bad at all. I am really excited about real online playing. Seeing having these gaps in my play is keeping me away from it, the question is if i will ever be satisfied to finally start or if i NEED to go through this suffering mistake making to improve from that. I guess my expectaions are in the way....

so long